It is rather safe to say that love is a topic that many of my clients come to me to discuss. Many times what they desire is insight into why something is not working out as they had hoped. There are typically bad patterns established or no patterns at all as there has been no contact in some time.
They wish to understand it, they wish to dissect it all the while they are holding on to what often times is a false sense of love.
There is a huge difference between duty, and love. When intelligent beings come across someone that they are unable to explain they take it personally. Suddenly its their mission to figure this other person out. They seek out reader after reader, they continue to embroil themselves in the connection despite it clearly not delivering on their needs or even being healthy for them...they continue to sacrifice pride and self respect all in the name of "understanding".
When I ask why its so imperative or why they feel that this is their challenge to take on I invariably get the same answer every time; "Because I love them".
When we have been enmeshed in situations with another person for a long period of time we find ourselves constantly using that as our reasoning or justification for putting up with less than the relationship we desire. Its no longer about the other person at that point, however, its about your convincing yourself of emotions that in all likelihood are not there any more. That's not to say they never were, rather its suggesting that after so long of the same patterns, or as I mentioned before, no patterns at all so much happens and changes which renders a true love to be impossible.
To love means to know, inside and out and intimately another being. When dealing with someone who hides their true self, even from themselves, its impossible to know them on a level that would allow true love to develop. Often times then the love is based on the challenge, and on the potential, not the person. We project the image of them that we see "if only this" and "if only that" were to happen. We begin to manifest an idea of what this person "could" be capable of or what they "could" offer us "if only this" and "if only that". The problem is "if only" never happens. And we continue to convince ourselves that we love someone that in truth we do not know at all.
If
you think that you do, think again. When you are stuck in a connection
with someone who behaves horribly towards you, is inconsiderate of your
feelings and yet you continue to think there is a softer "them" inside
you are fooling only yourself. That's not to say they couldn't change
and be better but rather that you are fantasizing about the person
before you, the only version of "them" you have been privy to.
What about for those who have been out of contact both communicatively and physically with the person they claim is the love of their life? In cases such as this most often what we have are those who are stuck in the past. They cannot let go of a feeling they had for someone when they were totally different people. Despite the fact that neither of you resemble today the people you were when you first met there is this inability to rationalize and see the emotions for what they are. Instead there is a sense of living completely in the past when the fact is if the man/woman who this person developed into stood before you short of recognizing their face there is nothing else that would be familiar to you.
Why does this happen? That's a laundry list I'm afraid may be too long to really delve into. I can say, however, that typically I find that its a combination of refusing to let go while needing to engage in the conflict and the challenge. We have stayed in situations either emotionally or even both emotionally and physically for so long that the only justification that we have left is to claim our undying love, even if that love is no longer based in reality. Its the only reason why we can see ourselves participating in things or with those who are unhealthy for us for such extended period of time. We come up with justification ranging from love, to being "soul mates" or some other karmic connection when 9 times out of 10 there is no depth beyond emotionality (and sometimes contrived emotionality) that ties these people together. Ill be honest, while 99% of my clients come to me regarding love only about 1% of them are involved with a true karmic connection. I blame this on self delusion and of course one too many reads with a less than psychic reader.Sometimes we need to believe there is a spiritual depth to things so that we can provide further justification for our holding on and involving ourselves in unhealthy situations with unhealthy people. The issue can be easily avoided more so than easily reversed.We have to open our eyes with regards to love and what it truly is and what it is not. Whether the connection has deteriorated over time or we perhaps based those emotions on the potential, not the person, we have the ability to control what we place ourselves in. We can love a challenge. We can appreciate someone for what we see in them but to base a feeling as lofty as love on those things alone is not healthy. It results in not only imbalanced relationships but also a loss that occurs within ourselves. We continue to run around chasing our tails over someone that in truth we don't even know. I will repeat something I have said many times; not all relationships are meant to be lasting or life long. This may be one of the most difficult things for mankind to come to grips with but it is an essential truth. Letting go is not easy, as is evident by those who continue to hold on, but its not impossible.
Do not want something so bad that you take whatever morsels you can get. Do not base or justify emotions on what this person "could be" rather base it on who they "are".
Remember that you are only responsible for loving yourself...when you do so genuinely then you will attract someone who will do the same.