So many of us struggle each day with choices. We look at the pro's and con's of the situation. Wondering if it's worth doing, fighting for, or waiting. There are so many pitfalls along the way, especially when it comes to relationships. Whether they are lovers of friendships, sometimes we are conflicted whether or not to stick it out, work it out or walk out.
When we're in the midst of confusion its not easy to make a wise, healthy decisions. Our emotions are influx, and then our minds wander toward how the other person feels. When we are thinking of walking away, our thoughts seem to focus on the other person instead of ourselves and that is usually when more confusion, even fear, sets in and causes us to either make a poor choice, make a hasty one, or sit still and stagnant.
When faced with the above, we tend to ask ourselves one or more of the following questions:
What will happen if I let this person go?
How long will I be alone?
Will I ever find love again?
Will he/she even care?
Will he/she chase or fight for me?
What if he/she moves on before I do?
What if he/she finds someone else and that person gets all the good from them?
What if I regret it later and want him/her back?
What if I'm over reacting?
So many other questions come into play, but as an intuitive advisor, I can tell you from years of experience, those are the main questions I'm usually asked.
I'm going to make this easy for you. The best way to make informed decisions is based on your feelings. Not your thoughts. Your feelings will tell you everything you need to know. There's something about intuition that is always dead on. You feel something is wrong, and it usually is. You feel you are going in the wrong direction, and later find yourself lost. You feel this isn't good for you, but proceed anyway, and end up worse off than before. Feelings are the compass of life!!! Listen to them. Don't dissect them.
If you watch a child, they are always expressing how they feel. They cry because they are uncomfortable, unhappy, angry. They tell you straight out, "I'm hungry. Feed me!" "I'm sleepy" "I'm angry!" They express these emotions, and they follow them because they haven't developed the reasoning part of the brain yet. They only know their needs aren't being met (or their wants) and they express them. Andddddddddd, they GET those needs met.
Now, I'm not saying fall on the ground and kick wildly to get what you want. I'm not saying scream and cry when you aren't getting your way. But, what I am saying is pay attention to those feelings. And follow where they lead you, what they tell you.
You can identify very clear feelings you have, such as hunger. You know what that feeling is, and when it arises, you eat. You know when fatigue overwhelms you it's time to sleep or rest. You know when danger is about to strike and you run for safety. But when it comes to love and those sticky emotions, you second guess, you over analyze and you become confused. It's your analytical self trying to understand your emotional self and they conflict. The mind starts to justify those emotions, even dismiss them as not real, over reacting, or (this dreaded word) overly emotional! But, you will find, if you look back in hindsight, any time you had feelings you ignored, or went against, you found yourself in a worse position later on. Don't ignore those feelings. They are trying to tell you something, and they will save you tons of grief.
I cannot tell you how many clients say to me, "I knew he was going to do this....I knew he was a cheat....I knew he was a liar...." and when I ask how they knew, they always say, "I could just FEEL it!" Yet, their minds wouldn't allow them to follow this feeling.
I call feelings red flags. They are huge red flags. How many times have you been talking to someone, and all of a sudden you felt "this person is lying" or you found yourself questioning their motives? You could feel it. How many times have you walked into a room where others were sitting and could FEEL they were talking about you? How many times, for no reason, you were sitting and thought, "Hmmm, something's not right"? Probably too many times to count, right? Now, ask yourself how many times those thoughts/feelings were right!
There are two things you should do when feelings set in and warn you. The first is to speak up. If something doesn't feel right, look right, sound right, then question it. Speak your truth. Get answers.
The second thing is to sit and ask YOURSELF these questions...
How does this person make me feel? (do I feel loved, respected, heard, wanted?)
Am I able to express myself and my wants and needs without fear, or anxiety?
Do I feel important to this person?
Do I experience more joy with them than without them? (this is a tough one because there are times that we struggle so much in a relationship that when there is a smooth patch we are happy to be there, but really it's just because it's quiet right now, and we're happy with that, not the person)
Do I feel this relationship is healthy for me?
Does this serve my needs and my wants?
Do I really want this person or is it about winning, or the thrill of the chase. Attaining what no one else has been able to?
How long have I been unhappy?
How long will I continue to go on like this?
Have I completely lost myself in this person?
Do I get back all I give?
Am I giving too much?
Am I appreciated?
The focus should be on YOU. This is healthy selfishness. You cannot continue to give so much of yourself in order to keep something alive, unless it's a newborn. When you find you are constantly struggling to keep the relationship above water, and YOU are doing all the work, all the sacrifice, your needs aren't being met, you're being disrespected, and you have to take all that in order to keep this person, it's time to walk away.
So many worry that if they walk away the other person won't care. READ THAT SENTENCE AGAIN!!!! NOW RE-READ IT AGAIN!!! READ IT TIL YOU GET IT!!! For those of you who aren't hearing it, or getting it, I'll explain it.....If you FEEL the other person doesn't care if you walk away, then do you think they care if you stay????? You should never, ever, ever be with another person, give yourself to another person or wait on another person who doesn't care if you walk away.
So, in closing....ask yourself those questions. And as you do, how do you feel when you ask them of yourself. If your head says, "I think he cares" but you get an ache in your solar plexus, or you stiffen up, your feelings KNOW the real answer. And your mind is screwing with you. Gauge your words, actions and choices on your feelings. And it will save your ass, and your heart in the long run!!!
If you find you are unable to sift through the cobwebs and make sense of it all, you can contact me, or one of KEEN'S many amazing advisors who can better assist with clarity and insight.
Blessings to you all,
Namaste
MsLisaM
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When we're in the midst of confusion its not easy to make a wise, healthy decisions. Our emotions are influx, and then our minds wander toward how the other person feels. When we are thinking of walking away, our thoughts seem to focus on the other person instead of ourselves and that is usually when more confusion, even fear, sets in and causes us to either make a poor choice, make a hasty one, or sit still and stagnant.
When faced with the above, we tend to ask ourselves one or more of the following questions:
What will happen if I let this person go?
How long will I be alone?
Will I ever find love again?
Will he/she even care?
Will he/she chase or fight for me?
What if he/she moves on before I do?
What if he/she finds someone else and that person gets all the good from them?
What if I regret it later and want him/her back?
What if I'm over reacting?
So many other questions come into play, but as an intuitive advisor, I can tell you from years of experience, those are the main questions I'm usually asked.
I'm going to make this easy for you. The best way to make informed decisions is based on your feelings. Not your thoughts. Your feelings will tell you everything you need to know. There's something about intuition that is always dead on. You feel something is wrong, and it usually is. You feel you are going in the wrong direction, and later find yourself lost. You feel this isn't good for you, but proceed anyway, and end up worse off than before. Feelings are the compass of life!!! Listen to them. Don't dissect them.
If you watch a child, they are always expressing how they feel. They cry because they are uncomfortable, unhappy, angry. They tell you straight out, "I'm hungry. Feed me!" "I'm sleepy" "I'm angry!" They express these emotions, and they follow them because they haven't developed the reasoning part of the brain yet. They only know their needs aren't being met (or their wants) and they express them. Andddddddddd, they GET those needs met.
Now, I'm not saying fall on the ground and kick wildly to get what you want. I'm not saying scream and cry when you aren't getting your way. But, what I am saying is pay attention to those feelings. And follow where they lead you, what they tell you.
You can identify very clear feelings you have, such as hunger. You know what that feeling is, and when it arises, you eat. You know when fatigue overwhelms you it's time to sleep or rest. You know when danger is about to strike and you run for safety. But when it comes to love and those sticky emotions, you second guess, you over analyze and you become confused. It's your analytical self trying to understand your emotional self and they conflict. The mind starts to justify those emotions, even dismiss them as not real, over reacting, or (this dreaded word) overly emotional! But, you will find, if you look back in hindsight, any time you had feelings you ignored, or went against, you found yourself in a worse position later on. Don't ignore those feelings. They are trying to tell you something, and they will save you tons of grief.
I cannot tell you how many clients say to me, "I knew he was going to do this....I knew he was a cheat....I knew he was a liar...." and when I ask how they knew, they always say, "I could just FEEL it!" Yet, their minds wouldn't allow them to follow this feeling.
I call feelings red flags. They are huge red flags. How many times have you been talking to someone, and all of a sudden you felt "this person is lying" or you found yourself questioning their motives? You could feel it. How many times have you walked into a room where others were sitting and could FEEL they were talking about you? How many times, for no reason, you were sitting and thought, "Hmmm, something's not right"? Probably too many times to count, right? Now, ask yourself how many times those thoughts/feelings were right!
There are two things you should do when feelings set in and warn you. The first is to speak up. If something doesn't feel right, look right, sound right, then question it. Speak your truth. Get answers.
The second thing is to sit and ask YOURSELF these questions...
How does this person make me feel? (do I feel loved, respected, heard, wanted?)
Am I able to express myself and my wants and needs without fear, or anxiety?
Do I feel important to this person?
Do I experience more joy with them than without them? (this is a tough one because there are times that we struggle so much in a relationship that when there is a smooth patch we are happy to be there, but really it's just because it's quiet right now, and we're happy with that, not the person)
Do I feel this relationship is healthy for me?
Does this serve my needs and my wants?
Do I really want this person or is it about winning, or the thrill of the chase. Attaining what no one else has been able to?
How long have I been unhappy?
How long will I continue to go on like this?
Have I completely lost myself in this person?
Do I get back all I give?
Am I giving too much?
Am I appreciated?
The focus should be on YOU. This is healthy selfishness. You cannot continue to give so much of yourself in order to keep something alive, unless it's a newborn. When you find you are constantly struggling to keep the relationship above water, and YOU are doing all the work, all the sacrifice, your needs aren't being met, you're being disrespected, and you have to take all that in order to keep this person, it's time to walk away.
So many worry that if they walk away the other person won't care. READ THAT SENTENCE AGAIN!!!! NOW RE-READ IT AGAIN!!! READ IT TIL YOU GET IT!!! For those of you who aren't hearing it, or getting it, I'll explain it.....If you FEEL the other person doesn't care if you walk away, then do you think they care if you stay????? You should never, ever, ever be with another person, give yourself to another person or wait on another person who doesn't care if you walk away.
So, in closing....ask yourself those questions. And as you do, how do you feel when you ask them of yourself. If your head says, "I think he cares" but you get an ache in your solar plexus, or you stiffen up, your feelings KNOW the real answer. And your mind is screwing with you. Gauge your words, actions and choices on your feelings. And it will save your ass, and your heart in the long run!!!
If you find you are unable to sift through the cobwebs and make sense of it all, you can contact me, or one of KEEN'S many amazing advisors who can better assist with clarity and insight.
Blessings to you all,
Namaste
MsLisaM