Some people manage to have a congenial relationship with their ex and hats off to them. Especially if children are involved, there are times this can be a positive situation if both parties are mature and responsible. It is not unreasonable to expect that a long term partner could remain a friend and there could be occasional communication, or more frequent if there are children. If your current love interest has a relationship with an ex, it is important to ascertain what the relationship is and most importantly, if you are introduced to the other party after a reasonable period of time.
On the other hand, if he/she is not forthcoming about the ‘former’ relationship or if he has mysterious meetings with his ex partner, talks about them incessantly and critically, then texts, calls, emails and gets together with them on holidays and weekends there is a strong chance the ex is not actually an ex, but rather their current partner and you are someone they are seeing on the side.
But, if the relationship is new, it important not to jump to conclusions just because of an occasional message or communication. If you listen closely, most people will actually tell you what their intents are, and what they are really doing. But, you do have to listen carefully.
Remember that in most states divorce records are open to the public, so if he is married it is easy to find out if he is actually divorced and when. If your love interest is still harboring a flame for a past love, it could make your life unhappy. It is hard to compete with a ghost from the past, and you may be better off moving on.
Red Flag Number 2-Your friends/family all hate him
Not all of your friends or family are going to like your choices, and this is life. But, if all of them or many of them seem to hate him this is a big red flag! Friends and family know you well, and if they all feel the same way toward their new interest they may be seeing something or picking up on attitudes and actions you are blinded to because of your infatuation. Your friends are your friends for a reason. Make your own choices, but be willing to listen to their concerns if they bring them up.
Red Flag Number 3: You’ve never been to his home
Relationships between two people involve two homes. If he never invites you to his place this is a big red flag. Some people are sloppy and embarrassed to bring someone home. He could live with friends or parents, or he could live with a spouse. Eventually, you need to see where he lives, and what his domestic habits are if you are to move forward in a committed relationship. You do not have to go to his place right off the bat, but eventually this is a necessity. If he/she refuses, after a reasonable period of time, it could be because he/she is living with another partner.
Red Flag Number 4 he is a control freak
Some people have more dominant personalities than others, but if he tries to control every situation, tell you what to do, what to wear, how to react, or tells you that you are doing things incorrectly all the time he is not only a control freak, he is disrespecting your choices. Though these types may appear to be narcissistic-and sometimes are- deep seated insecurity can mask itself as narcissism as these individuals make drastic attempts to cover their own feelings of worthlessness. This can include cutting someone else down in order to build themselves up. Either way, you will be unhappy if you are a normal healthy individual.
Red Flag Number 5-He lies to you
We have all told a little white lie from time to time to avoid hurting another person’s feelings. There is a difference however in telling a white lie and out and out lying. Some of the reasons men lie to women include: avoidance of conflict, to get sex, they don’t believe they are lying if they withhold important parts of the truth, they want to avoid an unpleasant task, or request, they believe no one will hold them accountable, or they don’t want to feel committed (trapped), they believe you are stupid, or for financial gain. If you find you are involved with a man who has a pattern of lying, chances are it will continue. Dump him.