Time Flies-Who Are You Spending Yours With?

When I was in  my 20’s I met two older women, I will call Ruth and Sarah.  Ruth was in her late 50’s, and had divorced in her late 20’s with 3 children.  Ruth had worked as a waitress, from the time of her divorce, and had little to show financially.  When I got to know her, I asked her why she never remarried?  She proceeded to tell me the story of her life: after her divorce she met the love of her life, the most wonderful, successful man in the world.  He ran a well known business, and was a State Senator.  Wonderful, brilliant man and the sky was the limit. Only one problem—he was married.  She began dating him, waiting for him to leave his wife and three children.  The future looked bright—she loved him, and he always called.  She saw him at least once a week, and some days he dropped by the restaurant where she worked. She never out and out asked him exactly when he would leave, but she knew he would because he always told her how unhappy he was at home.  Soon, she was 30, then 35.  Still waiting, but she knew the day would come.  Still working in the same two restaurants, always hoping to see him at lunch.  When he came in with his friends and political associates they would act as though they didn’t know each other, but that was ok..after all, he had an image to uphold.  Couldn’t let the constituents down.  Someday, she wouldn’t have to pretend.

It was ironic that I was listening to the news that day, in another town, having not yet met Ruth. A well known State Senator and businessman had shot himself at point blank range and left a suicide note.  An investigation was about to occur into his finances, and he would likely face a criminal investigation. He believed his life would be ruined, and his family disgraced, and he took the easy way out without having to face his actions.

I didn’t think much more about it until I met Ruth and put two and two together years later. I asked if it was the same man and yes, it was.  We were sitting in the living room of a local psychic waiting to get a reading.(long before the days of Keen!) She was there for a reading because she was convinced this man had left her money.  After all, she devoted the better part of her life to him.  Worked 2 jobs, and waited. She never went back to school because she knew her future held a man who loved her and was financially secure. 

Over the years I periodically saw Ruth from time to time and she would tell me about her latest theory as to where she believed the money was that he intended her to have.  She spend the last 10 years of her life getting readings, asking psychic after psychic when she would find the money.  When would she be contacted by an attorney? The fact is he never left her anything, he left it all to his family.  She spent 30 years of her life waiting for a man to whom she was convenient. Sure, he would drop by for sex, why not? Things were comfortable, easy, she adored him, idolized him and worshiped the ground he walked on, and she was attractive.  What did he have to lose?  Probably, he was even fond of her. She cooked for him, listened to his problems and was always there.  But, in the end she hadn’t cost him a thing.  He never had to work for anything, she made it easy. Always Waiting, and getting readings. A few years ago, I heard Ruth had passed away.  She never found the money.

Sarah had a similar situation to Ruth. She divorced in her early 30’s and was in her 50’s when I met her. She was a smart sophisticated woman, and I wondered why she was alone?  She too, had a story to tell. Met a wonderful man shortly after her divorce and began spending time with him.  One glitch-he was married with kids.  He too, had a high profile job, and had to be very careful about his whereabouts. They began seeing each other and many days he would come to her apartment.  He was unhappy at home, but because of the kids and his job couldn’t leave his wife.  They would take vacations together, and see one another frequently.  Sometimes they would go out on the town and some of his friends knew and accepted her.  He led a double life. Weekends and holidays, Sarah was always alone. When I met Sarah she told me she had spent the last 20 Christmases by herself.  Christmas Eve he would manage to get out and make a 3 minute call to her apartment.   He promised that when the kids were all in college he would leave his wife for her.

One by one the three kids went off to college, and when the last daughter was finally enrolled in school, she asked if he was ready to leave.  Yes, the kids are safely away in school and he wanted to move on with his life.  There was only one problem—his wife’s name was on all of the assets and she was threatening to take more than her fair share.  He could be free—but at a price.  But, he had an appointment with a lawyer to find out exactly what he would end up with if he divorced her. 

 Before he could attend that meeting he dropped dead of a heart attack, and she found out by reading the newspaper. His wife and family were grief stricken, but well provided for. Sarah was grief stricken and nearly 60. She had to move out of her apartment that year as she could no longer pay the rent. I never saw her again. Like Sarah, she had put her career and social life on hold, never moving forward and never investing in her own future. His friends that had casually accepted her suddenly no longer knew her name. 

 Today this man’s children are all accomplished and his youngest daughter plays a role in politics. She enjoys a happy and successful life as do his other children.  But, none of them have ever heard of a woman named Sarah.

Life is Short. Time goes by faster than you know.  Who are you spending your time with?