For example he has this ex he is friendly with. They have a child together. He says he is not interested in her anymore, that their relationship is over. She calls a lot though and he seems to jump when she needs him.
Then there are these friends. His buddies, they hang out a lot, sometimes go to a neighborhood bar, watch sports, drink beer and hang out. You wonder what he does with them? Do they have women around them? Is he being faithful? Then there is the issue of your relationship, both of them are single, and free spirited. Maybe they are trying to get him to stop being with you, you know to chase women.
Now his family, his mother still buys him clothes sometimes, and he seems to do whatever she wants him to. When you are around her, you can tell she doesn’t like you, just by how she looks at you.
Sometimes he texts you at least 2-3 times a day. He has even interrupted a meeting with it. Then for a few days he doesn’t. What does that mean?
You are afraid, you have been hurt before. So you hold back around him. Even though you adore him, you are not going to let him know. He could hurt you.
Trust in any relationship is hard. When I was young it was a word said with the same tone as respect.
People earned your trust, and they earned your respect. I have heard people say, “ She has to trust me, and respect me.” Yet they are playing games, and sometimes even cheating. That is a contradiction in terms.
What is trust? It is literally defined as having faith in someone, or relying on someone. Wikipedia says it is:
The degree to which one party trusts another is a measure of belief in the honesty, fairness, or benevolence of another party.
Be someone who is trustworthy
So let’s look at it. First, the ex can actually be a friend. I have friends I know in that position. So it is possible.
She calls a lot? I will tell you, that because of the child, they will speak frequently. It will be a necessity, even at times a joy to talk about little Johnny’s baseball games. This is where acceptance is needed if you want to be with this person. If you are parent, you know how time consuming children are.
If not you will learn. Include yourself if you can, if not be tolerant. He should be there for his child. It is a lifetime commitment.
Next we will address his buddies. Don’t assume because they do something, he will follow. If he has given you no reason, to distrust him, understand he needs friends and time with them. You need to cultivate your own. It is healthy. If you find reason to distrust, then you some bigger issue going on.
His parents are his parents. This may take a lot more time than this blog can offer. Be polite, and cultivate friendship when you can with mom, the rest of the time, politeness will have to do. Remember this is the woman who taught him how to act with women, if you like who he is she probably has something to do with it. Maybe she buys clothes because he hates to.
Sometimes people don’t text when they are really busy. You probably shouldn’t either. Don’t mistake that for lack of interest if everything else is in place.
Does he give every appearance of fidelity? Does he come over when he says? Does he do what he says he is going to when he says?
Sometimes people are unwilling to trust because of bad experiences. We all have been hurt. Do you want to know what he is doing all the time? Break up to get him to commit? Do you let him believe you are busy when you are not to get him to do what you want? Do you keep in contact with old boyfriends? All of these are untrustworthy also. Are you mad because the ex and his child get in your way? It is easy, when we are afraid, to project our fears on others.
Say your truth, take care of your own life with good boundaries, active friendships, and respect your partner’s life outside of you. Then if there are real issues regarding trust, you will be capable of handling them.
This is not to dismiss actual issues where you are involved with someone who cheats, has a back and forth relationship with an ex, and parents who control their adult child. This is learning to tolerate and trust the person you to love. To do this be a grownup yourself, be trustworthy, accepting and polite.