I was 9 years old and my grandmother, who was the most loving woman in my life, had just passed away. I was devastated. She was the grandmother that always had gum in her purse to share with me, the one that had shown me how to love more than just people but animals and nature. I remember she had this love bird she would always take out of the cage to let me pet and kiss him and upon her passing she had given me that bird as a symbol of our love we shared.
Watching my grandmother who had often comforted me go through a transformation of having a beautiful head of thick hair, to going bare was devastating. The worst part was asking, as a curious child, what they did to her body. She would simply reply, they microwaved me so I can be healthier. It was an aweful thing to hear described in those terms, but the easiest to understand at that age.
She was an incredibly sweet and caring woman who truelly enjoyed being a grandmother and loving the shortened life she had on this earth. I can't even let mint graze my nostrils without getting tearing up a bit. Seeing my grandmother's burnt physique with her nipples absent and what was left of her breasts being stiched like a ragdoll was horrifying. My heart broke everytime she could not keep her food down. Her silvery white hair slowly growing back gleamed in the sun as she hunched over a paper bag with the help of my mother and my aunt.
Those were horrible times, but I was left with bittersweet memories. Being a tomboy, I refused to cry at her funeral. I had gone to the funeral home to visit her and that was when it hit me. My grandmother laid there, completely still, face pail, no blood flow, no small twiching movements in her face, no sweet smile, just still with her arms crossed. A hat placed on her head laying in a coffin. That was my first time seeing a person nor moving and it tore me up knowing she was gone. It hurt terribly. She was in so much pain for so many years. I loved being with her, spending time with her, kissing her soft cheek each time I saw her and embracing her with love-filled hugs everytime I came and went. That was the first time I fealt pure heartbreak. Standing beside her boxed bed, knowing I would never get to kiss her and losing a woman who loved me unconditionally.
I ran to the car and bawled my eyes out. I cried harshly until my body could not squeeze out another tear and my eyelids scraped harshly shut as my nose ran down my upper lip. Wiping the wetness of dread away from my face I wondered where she had gone. I wasn't raised believing in God. I didn't even know what God or Satan was until I was 5 and even then I didn't even know there were even books about it.
I didn't cry at her funeral. It wasn't because my sadness had gone away completely or that I had cried up all of my tears. I could fill oceans upon oceans of tears and still never have cried enough to stop missing her. I had what I thought was a dream of my grandmother. I woke up startled to a shadow. I thought I was dreaming, so although I was frightened, I couldn't move.
I felt her warm lips kiss my temple as she wrapped her arm around my torso to embrace me. I'll never forget those what she said next. I will always keep those words she spoke to me as she cradled me against her bosom.
Her hands felt warm, her essense radiated with love that was so strong. I felt tingling from her hands, so warm, coursing to my heart. My heart beating hard. The tingling built up until it poured into my veins and ran along my spine. Her words were beautiful her eyes were sparkling that amazing smile sent tears flowing down both of my cheeks onto my shirt. I didn't even notice until her warm touch began to wipe away my sadness.
"I love you so much. I miss you so much," is all I wanted to say to her, but I couldn't speak. I felt those words, I spoke them through my essence and she spoke back through hers. She spent the night cradling me, running her hand over my head, petting me to sleep as she rocked me. I'll never forget her words. They will forever be entrenched into my heart, my soul and they are the reason I started following God. Those words she spoke to me will always remain between just us and God.
When I woke up I was tucked neatly into my bed. My eyes were bloodshot and dehydrated. "I love you Grandma," were the first words I spoke. I knew she heard me. It was just my intuition. I knew.
A week later the most amazing thing happened. Not only did she visit me, she had visited my mother and my sister as a sign that she truelly did visit me. It's easy to believe right away, but being human, sometimes we try to rationalize instead of accept. She gave me a smack in the face of reality by giving my mother and my sister the exact same message. She told them that she was not dead and was not gone. She even ARGUED this with them. I knew as soon as my sister and mother shared this that my grandmother had sent me her message. I got it loud and clear and from two different people!
Since my experience with my grandmother I have had many visits from not only my own family, but others as well. I chose to be a closet medium for the longest time because I was ackward as a youth, as most of us were. I really wanted to hone my skills and get more clear information.
My grandmother I heard loud and clear and saw her with such vividness because of our bond and connection we had. I only saw shadows with no communication when others would visit me. Through meditation and concentration, I have developed my skills to where I can hear them loud and clearly. I have also learned that those shadows will always be shadows unless they were someone I am close to in life or someone with whom I have a strong connection. Our minds interpret what we see most commonly from our external senses, but because of my strong connection with my grandmother, it took her shadow to a beautiful, vivid image of her appearance in her afterlife.
Going back, I didn't cry at her funeral. I only teared up briefly during a song, "Peace in the Valley." It was dark and rainy outside. I was surprised to see my Dad's friend there showing his respects. I was young and didn't understand fully the crowds a funeral draws. I smiled as he looked up at me and nodded his head.
God does amazing things all the time, but one of the most amazing things he's done for us was give each other the ability to comfort one another. Whether he knew it or not, that simple connection from his eyes to mine, just reaffirmed what I had briefly forgotten while wrapped up in my grief. His small gesture, most likely unbeknownst to him, gave me so much comfort and reminded me that we are not in our grief alone. We will never be in our grief alone. God gave us a mind of our owns. He gave us the ability to love, the ability to help our fellow man, our fellow women. He gave us compassion, he's given us so much. We pray to God for everything. Big or small and he answers our prayers in one way or another. It is important not to forget one of the biggest gifts God has given us and that is each other. He has given us each other for a reason. To feel loved, to be his family. We can ALWAYS depend on God, but sometimes we forget that God works through us and we through HIM.
When we turn to our fellow man it's because God wanted us to because God gave her/him the ability to help him. God has given me a purpose in life and has blessed me with the ability to help my fellow woman/man in a special way that's not common for most people. It is my destiny to help comfort those who are grief stricken, those who need answers, those who just don't know what to do. He has gifted me with the intuition to help others and has given me purpose to my life.
Even if you don't believe in God, please don't overlook the fact that I have been blessed with my amazing gift. I do not judge, as I am not so mighty to make such decisions. I will help you communicate with your loved ones no matter what your beliefs or non-beliefs and I will be respectful of your beliefs. Please call me as I look forward to helping you connect with loved ones. ![]()
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