Shifting The Back & Forth Lover

After reading professionally for the past 12+ years reading and guiding folks on how to shift a back and forth lover (otherwise known as here today, gone tomorrow!) I have become a bit of an expert. Helping to shift these relationships and work them to their advantage is a bit of a specialty of mine and something that I enjoy doing because ultimately whether right or wrong we sometimes are not ready to let go of these situation. I've discussed the psychology of the relationship and the in's and out's but this particular article is focusing on how to shift things for those who are not ready to let go. Sometimes we just need to do some subtle shifting in order to instigate a change within them.

Let me preface this by explaining that long term solvency requires long term effort on both your part and THEIRS. Just as you cannot slap a band-aide on a gunshot wound you cannot make someone who is not emotionally attached suddenly commit to you. These tips are for those who have emotionality but due to myriad reasons there are patterns that are sabotaging the relationship.

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~Bending over backwards is a surefire way to give yourself a backache--that's it!

Its novel, the notion that we can give and give and give and eventually they will turn around, see the light and follow our lead but its surely isn't practical. When we are caught in the vicious cycle of a back and forth relationship we have this tendency to think that the more we give the more we will get. We think if we can somehow prove our worth or show why we are valuable that not only will they finally settle with us and give us the relationship that we want but that they will return serve. This is NOT the case. We teach others how to treat us based on how we treat us. If we give to a fault with no respect for ourselves then we teach them to treat us like door mats. Rather than thinking that you can earn a merit badge into his life try to work on your own self respect by giving only what you get. Not only will this help to set the precedent that you are not their personal ego booster but they will become conditioned to understand that to get, they have to give a little  (Thanks, Pavlov!)

~Why would they buy the cow....

Let me be frank, this is not a lecture on closing your legs until he puts a ring on it. I believe in men and women being able to enjoy, own and harness their sexual prowess in the way that they feel comfortable and secure doing.
Rather what I mean by this is that along with giving everything of yourself in the emotional sense if you are constantly allowing them to treat you like  a booty call you will not get them to give you the time of day for a real relationship. Its not that booty calls are bad--own it. BUT if you are trying to turn something which started casual into something committed and more established you cannot continue to answer the phone at 3am every time the call comes through. I get that you may not want to shut down what has been the majority of your contact but how can you get to point B if you are still dabbling with point A? If they are unwilling to change things around to meet you earlier or take you to an actual dinner than they were not the right person for you to begin with. If they do, congrats, you just set up the first steps towards shifting this relationship!

~Less is more!

Im not a fan of those readers who tell clients to  "pull back to get him to call" because ultimately its a very short term, simple solution to an issue that is anything but. That said, however, it is important to understand that if you have not heard from them for 3 weeks and are still emailing, texting and calling 3 times a day, this is an issue. One that will only secure his plot of land across the country from you. Knowing how to handle their being MIA (missing in action for the less savvy) and what to say/what not to say when they do make contact is absolutely crucial to whether this continues in this rut or begins to make some progression.

~Understand that all actions are two-fold.

These relationships are never easy and sometimes they can be shifted, and sometimes they cannot. Sometimes its an issue of fear and sometimes its a complete lack of wanting a relationship. There is a never ending list of possibilities, which is why getting a reading on these relationships is so important.
These tips are not designed to enable you staying in a toxic situation rather they are designed for those not ready to throw in the towel, those not quite certain that its total loss. These tips are also, and perhaps most importantly, designed to ensure that you are acting with self preservation in mind. Sure, for those situations where change is possible they will set you on that path but for those situations where it is not these tips are just as much to help you as it is to shift the relationship.

By taking back some of this power out of their hands and putting it back into yours there is an equality brought back to the connection and even if you are not ready to throw in the towel now these tips and others like them can help you to slowly begin to shift YOURSELF, to see the connection differently and ultimately choose self respect rather than the drama they brought into your life.

If you are ready take things a step further come in for an IM or phone chat. I also offer very affordable email readings and my psychic and relationship profiles are designed exactly for these very relationship patterns!

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