Many of my clients are those who are seeking guidance on a relationship that has stagnated or otherwise gone off course. They desire insight into what is happening and how they can shift the relationship which in reality is code for the true desire which is knowing how to shift “them” and thusly, in their minds, the relationship.
The hang-up, however, is that the patterns that exist in our love life are an inside job. Contrary to what others may suggest or what we may tell ourselves we do not have a giant neon sign over our heads which beckons bad apples. We are no more predisposed to attract a certain kind of lover than we, as women, are predisposed to be excellent cooks or laundresses. Getting out of this external state of mind is key to transforming the patterns that exist.
The first tip that I am sharing with you today is going to hone in on acceptance. I’m asking you to take a nice, long, hard look at the person you are involved with (whether committed or not) and accept them, all of them. This means the good and the bad. If they have a penchant for yelling; accept it. If they go in and out of your life (a back and forth lover, anyone?); accept it. If they happen to be incredibly selfish and take more than they give; accept it.
Now that you have accepted them, warts and all, the next thing to ask yourself is whether you can put up it; is this tolerable to you? You cannot change them, you can only change yourself so you have no choice but to accept them for who they are and not what you keep telling yourself they could be and then assessing whether that is acceptable to you. This is not about being in man-renovation mode; thinking that you can mold and shape and cut out the parts you do not like at a later date. This is about taking all of them in and then making an empowered choice about whether they are fit to take up residence in your heart.
The fact of the matter is that a great many women want to have someone in their lives so badly they next ask themselves whether the person in question should be in their lives. If you want to stop patterns and start creating healthy love in your life you need to get out of this pursuit that has you grasping to everything with a pulse and a semi attractive penis. This is about practicing both a bit of acceptance and realizing that the pattern ultimately resides within the self. If you begin to change the way in which you view your lover (or potential lover) and start to put a little discernment in the mix you start taking back power over who gets in your heart. It starts becoming more about picking the right lover and not just having any old lover.