Has that horse dropped dead right underneath you and are you still standing there hitting it trying to make it get up and go? Perhaps you need to check and see if your relationship has a pulse as well?
You've been involved with this guy for a good, long period of time, perhaps even a year or two, and yet, it feels uncomfortable for you to pick up the phone and call him, you feel like you might be bothering him, you don't want to upset him yet again, so you don't call, but you are anxious about when you are going to hear from him again.
You haven't had any fights, you just feel like something is wrong, a general feeling of anxiety comes over you when you think about the relationship. Despite the fact that you have been seeing each other for at least a year, you feel just as insecure about when he is going to call you again as you did during that first month.
Even though you
have been in some sort of relationship for sometime now, you still
don't feel any sense of commitment from him, if you don't call him he
might not call you.
Why?
(To gain more insight into making your relationships work for you, purchase a copy of Brigid Bishop's The Dating Game, Insights Into Affairs of the Heart, available on Amazon and Kindle).
When
you leave a few things at his house he reminds you that you have
belongings there to take home with you, he goes to parties with friends
without you, when he spends time with his family, you are not included.
Why?
He says things like "let's not make more out of this than it
is" when you get up out of bed with him and ask him if he wants you to
stay over.
Why?
He goes for days and days without contacting you.
Why?
Since you are unable to absorb any of the above hints, I will tell you straight out why your man is behaving the way he is. He does NOT want a relationship with you! It's over dear! Bury this poor dead horse and move on! No matter what you do at this point, you are not going to get the commitment or the relationship you want with this guy, you are NOT in a relationship, you are single! This guy is just spending time with you on occasion because he has not yet met the person he is going to REPLACE you with!
Your relationship is dead, please have the common sense and courtesy to bury it and let it rest in peace. Further pursuit of happiness here will only end in disaster.
At times I receive calls from clients who are experiencing this type of relationship necromancy, and frequently they just don't want to hear the cold hard facts, and persist in trying to bring the dead back to life.
The most frequently asked question is "Why"?
Well, does it really matter "Why" he no longer has an active interest in you? What matters is how this prolonged connection with the dead relationship is affecting you. You are unhappy, you feel anxious all the time, you never know when or if you will hear from him so you are constantly "waiting" for his next move. Let go! Move on! Find someone who really does care for you and be happy instead of miserable. Get back into life!
I know of a woman who has been trying to make a situation like this work for over two years. This man frequently breaks up with her, usually around a major holiday or a special day for her, like her birthday or their "anniversary", and yet she just won't let go! Whenever he breaks it off with her, she chases and chases and chases him, literally throws herself at him, and then, when he takes advantage of what she offers and does nothing else, she asks me why. I tell her the cold hard truth, he is not interested in a relationship with her and although they have been seeing each other for two years, it is not going to develop further and she really should seek her happiness elsewhere, yet she won't let go. She stubbornly holds on, and says "well I don't understand, we've been together for two years".
No, they have NOT been together for two years, they were together for a few months at the very beginning and it has been a battle to stay "together" since then. Nothing but on again, off again, and she is the one that always makes it seem to be "on again".
I truly cannot comprehend how some women waste their time, energy and emotion in situations like this. When in the past it became apparent to me that a man no longer wished to share my company, I had no qualms about saying "Ok, well take care, good-bye" and moving on to someone who actually WANTED to spend time with me.
One woman I know had a few items she had strategically placed in her on/off boyfriends home, and he actually said to her "You need to take your things home with you, let's not make more out of this than it is" and she STILL persists in trying to "make this work".
My lord, if a man ever said that to me I'd pack my stuff up and be gone from his life in about two seconds flat, change my phone number and immediately begin seeking alternate companionship. Not this woman, no, she took her things home alright, but she is still there, on hold, waiting for the next "on" phase to begin.
It's sad really, time and emotion just wasted away that could be so much more well spent.
If a man is into you, you will know it, he will seek out your company, not avoid it. If a man is avoiding spending time with you, TAKE THE HINT and spend your time wisely with those who enjoy being with you!