I had a reading for a client who came to visit me today that was quite unsettling. I've never read for her before and I could tell by her twisting her napkin and tight posture that she really needed some insight but also empowerment. She started to explain her story and her plight and though normally I would stop a client (as this is what I would use for connection) I could tell she REALLY needed to vent and get it off her chest.
As a precursor I do want to let everyone know that I have been given permission to create this blog (without names, of course) around this woman's reading. I would never proceed with this otherwise.
You see this wonderful woman had been married for nearly 10 years which bore 4 lovely children. During this entire time that she felt she was creating her life and the a life for her family her husband was cheating on her with several women but had a secret family with one (whom he is now married to). She finally left him about 6 months ago and moved out of the country with the children.
I started feeling my guides tugging at me, sending up some flags so I got into alpha and started pulling cards. It was not just the horrible situation that this woman went through but also the fact that she continued to be plagued with his coming in and out of her life, telling her that he loved her and wanted her back, and she was entirely financially dependent upon him.
The problem? Well that depends on how you view it. I respect that some choose to stay in something "for the kids" or for the security that he (or she) may provide. I, however, also ask that people OWN their choices. This woman was not, and she knew it.
She abdicated EVERY sliver of responsibility to her ex, his parents, his new wife, her four children, her feeling tired and worn out, basically ANYTHING and ANYONE was responsible other than herself.
She quickly learned (and appreciated) that I was not one to spill those lines to. As somone who has been on her own since 17 and worked through adversities that most would crumble at the sight of I am the poster child and PROUD advocate of being responsible for ones success (and failures) and pulling yourself up by your own might.
She didnt want that, however. She didnt want to alter her standard of living. She didnt want to go outside the home to work one, maybe two jobs in order to completely sever the toxic relationship between herself and her ex husband. She was comfortable, enjoying the fruits of his money, being able to stay home and tend to their kids and live without the rigors of work outside the home.
So what to do?
Well first off, stop complaining. I get it, your not enjoying your life, the set up is no longer working for you, but YOU do have the POWER to change it. If you keep coming up with a million excuses that range from valid to just grabbing at straws for why it cannot be changed thenaccept things as they are. Do not try to sell me a line about how you cannot do it...there are thousands of single mothers who do it every day! Its about how bad you want something. She wanted the comfortable life and routine that she had within her circumstances more than she wanted out.
She wanted out, make no mistake, she wanted to heal and move forward and she wanted this toxicity to end, BUT she didn't want it enough to go through the dirt, grime and the difficult. She wanted to keep her standard of living and the opulence of staying home without work outside the home AND she wanted out from under him. In a perfect world that may be possible...and perhaps with a proper divorce attorney then you could eventually get back there (Goddess knows it was warranted in this case, for him to pay some serious alimony!) The reality, however is that some sacrifices would have to be made.
I tend to believe that, though difficult, one would stand to gain so much more than they would loose. Responsibility for oneself (not to mention young children) is difficult but its also very rewarding. Not only do you learn your strengths (and sometimes weaknesses) but you also begin to heal and move forward and become whole again.
Since this client claimed to "know" what I was saying right but yet made no promise or even attempted an "I'll try" I feel rather secure that she will follow the path the reading showed. But for her and others in similar situations I think its a matter of finding yourstrength and courage. Some people can live in standards such as hers and do so with no regrets or issues. Good for them! For those who cannot, or who find that what once worked is no longer working then do not forget that you have the power to change your circumstances. If you want something bad enough you will go through the uncomfortable, you will tackle your fears, you will find the means to make the impossible, possible! It may not be easy, you may sometimes get angry, upset or sad but you will also reap rewards that you would never imagine. You will find that your other roles, be them mother, sister, aunt, daughter, all improve because you are building a stable foundation of self esteem and self respect! There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that is beyond your control or out of your grasp if you WANT IT BAD ENOUGH.