As we all know, fear of commitment and refusal to “step up” is a problem that seems all too common among grown men. The women that these men date are attractive, intelligent, and successful, yet these men stubbornly insist on keeping their relationships casual. If this situation seems familiar, there are a few steps that can make a huge difference in solving the problem.
To begin with, it is important to openly recognize that respect is the very cornerstone of every successful relationship. Simply put, if a man refuses to work toward a committed partnership, which usually means marriage after a reasonable period of dating, then he is not being a good partner, and he is not showing respect. He may be kind, friendly, and loving. He may be generous and emotionally supportive in other ways, but all of these factors are irrelevant without true partnership.
Once the problem has been identified, it is time to overcome fear and become values driven. This man must be given a clear, unambiguous choice to either make a true commitment, and plan a real future, or be shown the door. The most simple, direct approach is to ask him one clear question: “what are you offering me?” Of course, he must give a clear, direct reply, and he will not want too. Remember, this is a grown man not a little boy. He is perfectly capable of answering a simple question. If he refuses, then the relationship is over until he does. This is, of course, where overcoming fear comes into play. It is normal to be afraid that he will walk away if forced to choose. In fact, he encourages this fear, and always has. Just remember that when the fear is gone, real changes can be made.
Finally, it is crucial for all of us to say what we mean, and mean what we say. Remember that this is not a step to make him kind or loving, it is a step that forces him to respect what a real relationship is. He may not like it, but he must respect it. Once it is clear that the relationship is over without true partnership, there can be no compromises. There can be no dating, talking, or texting. There is no reason to reach out and contact him, and thus it must not be done. The relationship is over. Any communication must come from him, and it must begin with an answer to the question.
Being tough and demanding respect is difficult, and can be very stressful. Nevertheless, it works. Any two people who are truly compatible and attracted to each other will find a way to make it work. Men and women have been making true commitments to each other for thousands of years. Every man is capable of it, and demanding it will make any relationship healthier and more rewarding.
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