This morning a woman I work closely with posted an Instagram photo of her vacation location somewhere in beautiful Saint Thomas. In response, she received a comment: “Jelly”. I mean who can blame the commenter? A secluded beach is one of the most fantastic vacation experiences one can muster – well, that and a relaxing stroll down the Champs-Élysées.
But, when I saw the comment, I thought instantly of the times when I couldn’t find appreciation for the circumstances of others. For example, when someone I'd loved got married, or someone I love chose love somewhere else, and I was without those things. It was hard and painful for me to witness. I would be jealous. Just plain, out right, envious of them. It took a lot of soul searching, and the advice of a very spiritual friend, to realize what I was doing energetically when allowed my self to entertain those thoughts; in short, when you entertain envy, you block positivity.
It all became clear when my younger sister got pregnant: I was both elated, and oddly heart broken. It was hard to figure out my emotions. While, on the one hand I was so happy about the birth of a new baby, on the other, I was completely deflated by the idea that my (much) younger sister was entering the job of motherhood before, and without me. I wanted a baby. I wanted to carry, love, care for, and mother a child. And it wasn’t my turn. And, (man o man), I was jelly. But, thankfully, with the help of my friend, instead of an obstacle, my feelings provided a learning experience.
Let me first say that my friend is a master psychic and just appeared on Dr. Oz (you go friend). He helped me see that I was jealous because I was afraid that "I" "wouldn’t" get what I wanted. And, there in lies the problem: when I felt the jealous tinges, it was because I wasn’t trusting the universe to provide my deepest wishes. Hence, in short, I wasn’t trusting Gods plan for my life.
I think of God and the universe as one in the same. When I say “God” I don’t mean some man up in the clouds, I mean the same life force that created the trees and soars new buds into amazing blooms. I mean the energy that moves tides in tandem with the moon. So, I really had to ask my self, if I believe all these things, how could I not believe that my life is also on purpose?
This is the test of faith.
And, faith requires patience.
And I am notoriously the most impatient person that ever lived (or one of them), so this was not an easy task. But honestly, once I understood how this law worked, I changed my outlook.
("Faith", by the way, not in the biblical sense, but more faith in each of our life's purpose - that we "are" on purpose).
Being psychic in no way negates my own personal growth. I mess up, piss people off, get pissed off, and, at times, have to grapple with jealousy. But, these days, instead of thinking “ugh. Are you kidding? Her? Not me? When is it my turn??” I let myself imagine how wonderful it will be when my niece and my child play and grow up together. I revel knowing that they will hold hands as kids, and will be buddies throughout their lives. I talk to my baby, because I trust in the universal power that I wouldn’t feel him if he weren’t on the way. My feelings are my affirmation instead of my grudge.
Wanna guess which approach leaves me feeling trust, knowing, happy and anticipating…?
Now… tell me again… how do we manifest the things we want?
Love and hugs,
Hope Beondkarma
keen.com/beyondkarma