I have this friend. We’ve been friends over twenty years. She is my sister. I love her. I would do anything for her. I adore her.
A few days ago, I came to LA and stayed with her. By the morning of day two, we argued. And, I mean ARGUED. It was terrible. I cried. She was tired, overworked, felt space invaded. I was uncommunicative, forgot to call with the time of my arrival, and overly sensitive to her being upset.
But, there we were, two women who know better: One sober, one psychic. Both on a spiritual path and recognizing life’s no-so-coincidental coincidences. Both yogi(ish). And both about to damage a 20 year sisterly friendship.
At some point during the exchange it occurred to me to shut up. Just stop talking. I even covered my mouth as a reminder. Not like cupping it, like a fifth grader, but more placing my thumb and forefinger on my lips, as if thinking. And I was thinking; I was thinking “woman – shut up”.
Later, I learned that when she stormed out of the apartment, that was her was of making herself stop and disengage. And, lemmie tell ya, it wasn’t easy.
Arguing is a way of being able to tell someone your innermost ideas. Your thoughts, your feelings. But the “argument” is a heightened emotional space, so two out three, you can pretty much bet that what comes out isn’t good.
Its at that point we decided to stop. Pissed as we were, its as if we just choose to fume, instead of spew. And thank goodness: A few hours later, she called and suggested we “start again” . We then talked laughed and apologized to each other. But the experience made me think… Isn’t that the meaning of yoga – the balance? Not just what you do on the mat, but what you do in life.
I’m trained as a 500hr yoga teacher, and I always feel the hardest part about yoga is “living” it. It fine to go to a studio and “Ommm” as you are guided through stretching. The hard part, and the “practice” is being off the mat, in ones life, in the argument, and doing what my friend and I did this morning… breathing, decompressing, walking away, and choosing not to hurt below the belt when someone is truly getting on your nerves.
Ommm… get it?
