Lets begin by asserting that the Booty Call is not a “relationship”. If your Booty Call wanted a relationship with you, he/she would pursue you and woo you in order to have a relationship with you. The Booty Call, therefore, is limited: limited in time, limited in space, and limited emotionally.
K?
All clear?
That said, it may behoove some to clearly define the meaning of a Booty Call; for that, we’ll reference the good ol’ UrbanDictionary.com:
- A clandestine or casual meeting to indulge sexual urges, devoid of any meaningful social engagement. Typically occurring between the hours of 12-4am, subsequent to one party becoming inebriated or failing to secure sexual relations with a more appealing partner(s).
Okay, now that that’s out of the way, I will quickly address those whose morality is offended by my candidness: This article is about casual sex; if that offends you, please don’t read it.
Great. [Wipes brow.] Here we go.
In life we each experience a range of relationships – sometimes long term, sometimes short term, and sometimes casual. At some point or other, all of us have been single, dating, and in need. Along with that, the majority of us have perhaps (maybe... [probably]) - at some point - experienced a late night sex encounter, thusly coined “The Booty Call”. Typically, these type of relationships serve to gratify both parties, and typically, they are not long and drawn out.
- The Up Side
If you’re looking for connection without complications, the Booty Call can work for you. Often times, people engage in this type of exchange while in between relationships, when life becomes very busy, or with someone (perhaps an ex) that they trust and have familiarity. - The Down Side
As stated above, an ever so often (or even regularly scheduled) encounter is not a deep and heartfelt relationship - the question is will your heart remember that? Quite often, we attempt to fool ourselves and deny our real feelings, all the while knowing that we want more than we are expressing. Booty Calls with someone you secretly long for in a genuine way can be very dangerous; you may be entering a land-mine relationship where you are constantly being hit with the powder keg of disappointment.
Even more, on the topic of danger, without real commitment you are susceptible to the consequential behavior of whomever else your sex partner is also engaging. You cannot be assured that he/she/or they are disease or STD free. You, must, therefore, be careful to protect yourself responsibly.
- Can You Feel It?
Of course you can. You’re human. I know many women (I would say “and men”, but the truth is I normally hear this from women) who eventually begin to fall for their Booty Call and wonder if there is some way to transform a casual relationship into a something meaningful. To reiterate this point, I will state again, if your Booty Call wanted a relationship, he/she would have a relationship with you.
Also, don't forget the indelible truth: you have no onus on this person. It's harsh, I know, but it’s the truth. She/he is not your girlfriend or boyfriend. This is just a fling. Just fun. I know, I know, easier said then done: We feel. We attach. We bond with sex. If this is easily the case for you, then perhaps it’s time to press the breaks. Be honest. Can you handle this kind of relationship?
In my own life, as a now middle aged woman, I can honestly say that I cannot (not, not) engage in Booty Calls. I’ve done it and they make me feel bad. I need more. I need dinner. I need the pursuit of something meaningful. But, I learned this through trail by fire. When I was in my twenties, I had no idea what I “truly” wanted, and there were a few times I fell into the pitfalls of “He likes me, or he wouldn’t come over”. Honey, I was so sadly mistaken.
But, hey, to each his own. If you’re not like me and you wanna be free, I say do the damn thang. And here are a few pointers:
- Try not to sleep over. It causes confusion. Make it about the business and then go handle your business.
- Keep it sexy. It’s about “that time”, so explore and be creative and open. Enjoy!
- No cuddling. No deep eye contact. No stroking and talking about plans. Trust me, you caller will be thinking “umm… what the heck”, just as they remember they have to get to that place and do that thing. Remember what you’re there for.
- Be safe. Nuff said.
- Remember you are having a quickie. Fine cuisine is not involved. There will be no dinners.
- Last, but, by far, not least, be respectful and do not let yourself be disrespected.
- Please understand my impetus in writing this is not to be vulgar or promote promiscuity. I feel we should each live and let live. More, I get calls from people struggling to understand why they are “being treated” badly, or “if he will ever” love them. I’ve sat with crying women who wonder why all he wants is sex.
In response, we spend time looking at the cards that clearly say, “This is fun and that’s all”. I just want you to know the parameters of what you’re getting yourself into and be smart, if this kind of relationship works for you, then great. If not, then please save your heart, and your dime, and don’t do it.
Luv and hugs,
Hope Beyondkarma