You feel drained, you feel tired, you feel like you are constantly running around tending to their needs and yet they never seem willing to tend to yours. Sound familiar?
It started out simple enough. He began to take a bit more than you enjoyed. He failed to see the importance of meeting your needs. At first you justified not speaking up because you didn’t want to be ‘that girl’ but all you ended up was being another version of ‘that girl’; the girl who sobs “why doesn’t he love me?” or begs someone to provide the answer to “why hasn’t he committed?”
All of this because by year 1 or 2 or 15 you’re still running around chasing him meanwhile he doesn’t see fit to call you his girlfriend in public, much less slap a commitment on this bad boy! Suddenly you decide that this is bullshit and you’re not taking it! At this point, however, he just tries to muster up his best and least sarcastic “yeah, sure” response.
Is he a selfish little prick? Yep, but it’s YOU who created that monster, at least in this relationship. He is guilty only of taking what was freely given to him and like most before an ‘all you can eat buffet’ they often gobbled up with great glee, eating far more than they should simply because it’s there.
Setting boundaries, learning to say no, is not just important it’s ESSENTIAL to a healthy relationship. Due, however, to the fact that we have been told over and over again that women are too demanding, we are too aggressive, we are to this or too that we find ourselves caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to walking the fine line between compromising and compromising to a fault.
We have a right to set boundaries as it’s a way in which we each take care of one another in all social interactions. Whether a relationship that is romantic, platonic or familial, boundaries are what ensure that everyone is comfortable, safe and happy.
Saying “no” shouldn’t be the difference between loved and unloved. If someone only loves you when you are handing out what you have to give like its Halloween candy but suddenly develops a case of the “I don’t know what I want” when you start asking for something in return or (GASP!) happen to say no to him/her then guess what…it’s not YOU that is the problem, but them. It becomes YOU who is the problem is you continue to give thinking that it’s going to suddenly give you what you want. It won’t. If they wanted you they would take you. They want what you have to offer but to hell with your needs hunny.
We all have a right to have our needs met and we are not bitches or rude or the sort if we demand it from those we give so much to. Am I saying you can run rough shod all over them, constantly getting up in their grill about what they NEED to be DOING for YOU? (Cue some old school Janet Jackson here) No, that’s not what I am implying at all. Balance in key. You cannot demand more than you give any more than you can give more than you get. It creates unhealthy tones and patterns in the connection.
If you are concerned that by speaking up and setting some boundaries they will leave you then how about you kindly shove them through the front door now. Someone like that isn’t worth your time, attention and hard earned emotion! We need to stop sitting around desperately wanting a relationship to the point that we will take any piece of crap that happens to fill that void. Be discerning and selective in who you allow in your life. Not to sound like a commercial but you ARE worth it.