A relationship from the start is a magical connection between two people that can grow quickly into a lifelong experience. How we deal with challenges inside that relationship can be difficult if not almost impossible at times.
We all have the natural desire to be with someone but what we do to maintain that connection sometimes can be challenging. Especially when they do things or act a certain way that goes against how we want to live our life or how we feel.
Putting aside that basic everyday needs a person has to have to live what we would call a normal life, there are needs and wants in a relationship. Now, everyone has a differing opinion on what a need and what a want is in a relationship.
Everyone can agree that we call want attention from the other person. Affection, physical or emotional, and of course intimacy plays an important role as well.
Where a relationship becomes challenging is when either party is going through some kind of difficulty. Stress from work, money problems, personal issues with family or friends, all of these come into play and do affect the way people deal with each other. Some people shut the other out to deal with the issue at hand, and the other party feels neglected at which point they might react causing more stress than was originally there.
This is when bad behavior can and often does come up between people in a relationship. So what do you do when the person you care for, that you spend possibly every day of your life with raises their voice to you because their upset? If its one of the first times this happens, shock and sadness can be a common reaction. One important thing to take into consideration is to look at what is going on when it happened. If it's not a common thing for them to raise their voice or be verbally abusive, than talking about it afterward and hopefully resolve the tension between both parties will most likely be what happens and everyone will get a good nights sleep.
Ok, lets play it out; you come home after a very bad day at work. You really don't want to talk to anyone including the person you are in a relationship with and they haven't really had that great of a day either, but you of course don't know that right now because you're stuck in traffic behind some idiot who's playing music so loud that it's vibrating your windshield. You get home and it is "'announced to you" that you forgot to do something or forgot to get something today. They start the "what you should have done" speech at which point you are visualizing hot oozing green goo pouring all over their head which miraculously shuts their mouth so you can get into the shower and forget where you are and try and think about something like either your bed or maybe some sandy beach at sunset.
The shower is over and the beach never appeared. What did appear is your spouse saying something about whats for dinner and what are YOU going to do about it. Your first possible reaction could be to suggest they eat crow, but you probably won't.
In the end after making peace you find that after time you have to define what is acceptable in a relationship and what is not.
Bottom line, if you are not comfortable with how you're being treated, say something. If that gets you nothing, then write something, if that gets you nothing, then take steps to distance yourself from the situation until such time that person who is treating you this way realizes what you are doing and then sees that what they are doing is not healthy for the relationship.
If they are even worth anything as far as a person and have a good heart and are just frustrated and taking it out on you, you would think they would reach out to you and eventually communicate.
If they don't and continue doing what you are not happy with, and you walk away or they walk away, remember that you are better off.
In the end, its better to be alone and not be treated badly then be in a relationship and be miserable.
Think about it this way, if you have a bad day, you live alone and you finally walk in and take your shoes off.....are your houseplants going to yell at you? Is your cat going to lecture you about forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning? I hope not. Its just you, and now you have time to relax, and someday soon, you will be spending time with someone who truly appreciates you for who you are.
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We all have the natural desire to be with someone but what we do to maintain that connection sometimes can be challenging. Especially when they do things or act a certain way that goes against how we want to live our life or how we feel.
Putting aside that basic everyday needs a person has to have to live what we would call a normal life, there are needs and wants in a relationship. Now, everyone has a differing opinion on what a need and what a want is in a relationship.
Everyone can agree that we call want attention from the other person. Affection, physical or emotional, and of course intimacy plays an important role as well.
Where a relationship becomes challenging is when either party is going through some kind of difficulty. Stress from work, money problems, personal issues with family or friends, all of these come into play and do affect the way people deal with each other. Some people shut the other out to deal with the issue at hand, and the other party feels neglected at which point they might react causing more stress than was originally there.
This is when bad behavior can and often does come up between people in a relationship. So what do you do when the person you care for, that you spend possibly every day of your life with raises their voice to you because their upset? If its one of the first times this happens, shock and sadness can be a common reaction. One important thing to take into consideration is to look at what is going on when it happened. If it's not a common thing for them to raise their voice or be verbally abusive, than talking about it afterward and hopefully resolve the tension between both parties will most likely be what happens and everyone will get a good nights sleep.
Ok, lets play it out; you come home after a very bad day at work. You really don't want to talk to anyone including the person you are in a relationship with and they haven't really had that great of a day either, but you of course don't know that right now because you're stuck in traffic behind some idiot who's playing music so loud that it's vibrating your windshield. You get home and it is "'announced to you" that you forgot to do something or forgot to get something today. They start the "what you should have done" speech at which point you are visualizing hot oozing green goo pouring all over their head which miraculously shuts their mouth so you can get into the shower and forget where you are and try and think about something like either your bed or maybe some sandy beach at sunset.
The shower is over and the beach never appeared. What did appear is your spouse saying something about whats for dinner and what are YOU going to do about it. Your first possible reaction could be to suggest they eat crow, but you probably won't.
In the end after making peace you find that after time you have to define what is acceptable in a relationship and what is not.
Bottom line, if you are not comfortable with how you're being treated, say something. If that gets you nothing, then write something, if that gets you nothing, then take steps to distance yourself from the situation until such time that person who is treating you this way realizes what you are doing and then sees that what they are doing is not healthy for the relationship.
If they are even worth anything as far as a person and have a good heart and are just frustrated and taking it out on you, you would think they would reach out to you and eventually communicate.
If they don't and continue doing what you are not happy with, and you walk away or they walk away, remember that you are better off.
In the end, its better to be alone and not be treated badly then be in a relationship and be miserable.
Think about it this way, if you have a bad day, you live alone and you finally walk in and take your shoes off.....are your houseplants going to yell at you? Is your cat going to lecture you about forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning? I hope not. Its just you, and now you have time to relax, and someday soon, you will be spending time with someone who truly appreciates you for who you are.