You talk on the phone for a little while. He’s funny. He’s cute. He’s everything that you hope he will be. Finally, the time has come to meet Mr. Wonderful. Naturally, you’re excited to see if everything will fall into place – just as you hope it will be.
It’s outside of a crowded Starbucks that you see him. You smile wide, and are met with the same greeting. A hug follows with mutual exchanges of “How great to finally meet you”. Everything in your gut tells you this is going to be a perfect evening.
Coffee ordered, no awkward silences – the two of you just blend together with story after story and you discover that there are so many commonalities, you are already looking forward to the next date…a *real* date. Your intuition is working overtime (this is awesome, you just KNOW it) because Mr. Wonderful seems to be filling in all the questions that may arise immediately with sound explanations therefore, your red flags turn to dust in the midst of what should be alarming.
Married 5 times? No problem- they ALL cheated on him (therefore, he gains *victim* status and your sympathy). Have 6 children by 3 mothers? He takes responsibility for all of them (He’s responsible and financially secure… you think). No, he doesn’t date – there was something special about you, so he took a risk. (Could it be that you listed yourself as financially secure, no children, and you just want a partner to share life with?). And, he’s $2500.00 short on Child Support this month, but he’s sure he’ll find a way to pay it. (Are YOU the Bank of Ameridate?)
EVERYTHING about this man should tell you to grab your Nike’s and bolt like a rabbit being chased by a Greyhound…. But he’s SO incredibly charming; you think you’re listening to your intuition. He’s a great looking guy, with a string of bad luck, but you can fix it. You’re special.
Deeper and deeper goes the glow of infatuation…. as you silence the inner voice inside of you, telling her to “shut up – this one is different”. He is, after all, willing to remove his profile and give you and him a chance to get to know each other. Oh, darn- his cash is in his glove box, do you mind grabbing the check? Of course not! You’re an independent woman; you can handle $7.00 for coffee.
A few days of anticipating his phone call turns to panic. You tell yourself, it’s fine; really – he does have a busy life. You check out his Facebook page – with a certain amount of caution, he did take his profile down off the dating site you met on…. Then you see it. At least ten other women that have posted on his wall, “Great time, Dude – call me”.
Anger seeps in. YOU are the one that was special, right? YOU are the one he had never had such a great time with, right? YOU are the one that he took his profile down off the dating site for, right? YOU are the one that didn’t LISTEN to your gut, RIGHT?
I’m all about giving people chances and opportunities to show you who they are, and live the potential of a relationship. If there are RED FLAGS – heed them. No, you’re not making them up, they are just THERE.
Do NOT pay for a date YOU are asked out on, unless you determine prior to that date to go dutch.
Do NOT promise to remove yourself from other potential suitors on the first meeting.
Do NOT loan money to ANYONE.
Soften your profile so you don’t appear quite so independent.
LISTEN to those RED FLAGS. THAT IS YOUR INTUITION TALKING!!! IGNORE THE HOPE IN YOUR HEART WHEN RED FLAGS PRESENT THEMSELVES.
Moral of blog: Date responsibly. And, this certainly applies to MEN! OK?