Forgiveness is something that is much talked about, argued over and begged for but so few of us know what it is, how to give it or get it. I am no expert on the subject but I’ve learned a little and am willing to share what I’ve learned. So here goes.
Grant it early and grant it often. I’ve heard that bitterness will rust the can that holds it, never allow the can to hold anything. But how do you do that?
Most people, myself included, thought for so long that forgiveness was the same as saying that what was done was okay; that it was akin to granting permission, practically begging for the offense to be repeated. But that’s not what it is at all. You are not saying that it was okay for you or the other party to make the offense; you are just saying that you acknowledge that humans are fallible, that mistakes are made and you are ready to move past it to what comes next. I’m going to repeat this because it’s important. YOU ARE NOT SAYING THAT WHAT HAPPENED WAS OKAY. IT WASN’T.
What comes next does not necessarily mean that the relationship will be resumed. You’ve only forgiven the offending party, not forgotten that it’s happened. After all, fool me once – well you know how that one goes. What comes next is the processing of the lesson. You don’t want to have the offense repeated. Ask yourself, “What can I do keep this from happening again?” and then do that thing. It is that simple.
There is no timetable on when forgiveness must be granted. Only you know when it’s time to forgive. It can happen instantaneously or take years or even a lifetime. My experience is that the sooner I get to the forgiveness part the closer I am to putting what happened behind me and the better off I am. Our time on this planet, in this life is limited. I don’t want to spend my precious time hurting from things I can never change or take back. I want to grow from the experience and be happy.
Forgive someone today. Forgive yourself. Try just a
little one to see how it feels and go from there. Forgiveness is something you do just for yourself.