I have not written anything in a while, because just like you I have been going through to many spiritual changes, I began to wonder about God. The thing is, I stopped reading. I stopped research... there is nothing I wanted to know. I stopped praying, unless it was to do my work, or for someone else. I stopped believing in anything I THOUGHT I knew. Yet, the Angels never left me. The more I didn't want to know, or dream, or understand God's plan, the more the Angels let me know... we are here, and in the little ways they would let me know, every day, they had no plans of separating from me.
The purpose I am sharing this blog, is to share an "AH HA" moment. During my conscious spiritual walk, I fell in love three times. The first time with the man I KNEW to be my Twin Flame. I pursued my dreams and nothing happened... I had to wake up. The second time I met a Spiritual Man who was walking my path. He loved me, but even though I knew him for over 2 years, he never touched me. It was only after he got married to someone else I understood, he was NOT ALLOWED to touch me. He tried though, and he got spiritual licks. The third man I had known forever as a good man. When he got divorced we both thought it was our chance to play out our crush on each other. It was dynamic. I was sure this time, God said yes. But I kept getting The Moon card on him. Initially, I thought maybe the card represented his Sun Sign, but no, it was a hidden side to him; hidden even, to him. When it came out, there was no more romance. With each end to a love I thought would last, I was devastated!
Through it all, I kept dreaming about the first one. No matter who else I loved or tried to move on with, he was always somewhere lurking around whether in dreams or in public, yet never any secret rendezvous or meetings, and rarely any contact.
Then I had these 3 dreams in one:
In the first dream I was a royalty in Egypt. I had about 6 handmaids with me. We were on a boat in a huge river, sitting and enjoying the evening. This giant lion appeared (3 times the size of a normal lion), and walked out onto the jetty looking for prey. Our eyes locked. I was not afraid. He reached out his giant paw and reached out to grab me, and could only reach the hand-maid at the end. He took her and dragged her to the shore.
The dream shifted to another time. Now I was in the bedroom of a castle in Europe, with a man. He was sitting up at the top of the bed. He had a large head, (twice the size of a normal head), and it was square. I was halfway on the floor at the foot of the bed kneeling, with the top half of my body on the bed reading a book. He was watching me, proud I was with him, and he was thinking. The thing is, I could hear his thoughts. He thought to himself: "She HAS to love me. I have a castle, and land, and I am successful."
The dream shifted again. This time I was in space with D. Even though he is a millionaire in real life, he came with nothing. He was not disguised like the lion. He did not bring his wealth. We were both floating in space about 3 feet apart. From the waist up, there was this thick dark cloud blocking our vision. He shifted his head, and I shifted my head a few times to be able to see, because all he wanted to do was tell me: "I love you." When he said it, I couldn't wait to tell him, "I love you too." It was as if it would be our ONLY moment to tell each other the truth. It was our only mission. Because of our desire to communicate pure love, neither of us noticed the dark cloud was moving up slowly, as if it was being pushed, until it was above our heads. We didn't push it. We didn't even pay attention to it. The force of love moved it away.
My "Ah Ha" moment came. The spiritual man was the lion. He came in disguise because he had an ulterior motive for my gifts. I was a good catch, but I was prey.
The second man had everything a girl could want. He loved me, but not only was he a nerd (square head), his ego would not allow himself to love me. His purpose was to make sure, I loved him. I did, but I was also more evolved than him... I could hear his thoughts. It probably could have worked, but destiny had a better plan for me.
Now we get to the one man who always stayed in my dreams... always saying through messages: REMEMBER ME. No matter I followed my dreams and nothing happened, it was part of my spiritual walk. I had to go that way. But guess what! This is 15 years later, and finally we ARE communicating the love we feel for each other. We are both finally believing and understanding what divine love is, and what it is not. How God has a plan, and most importantly, a time for everything.
Yes, I loved three men. But only one is sharing love with me. My dreams tried to prepare me for the inevitable. If I shared this dream before, I am sharing it again because this time I have my epiphany.