We all want it but do we even know what it really is or what it looks like? Many times we think we can’t move on with our lives until we get it and often feel like we’ve never gotten that one thing we really wanted to take away from the ended relationship with.
I have a friend, let’s call him “Ken”, that dated a girl for nine years. During that time, she wanted to marry and he didn’t and then when he wanted to she didn’t. They hurt each other. They broke up.They hurt each other some more. They got back together, hurt each other some more and broke up for good. Like so
often, you don’t always know what you value in a relationship until you can’t ever have it again. All he wants is to put his head in her lap and have her tell him she’s sorry for everything. She never wants to see or talk to him again. So obviously, this is something that will likely never happen so he is content to drink himself into oblivion until he dies because he’ll never get the closure he wants.
But the real question is, hasn’t he gotten closure? She never wants to see or talk to him again. Albeit, not pleasant but it’s an end. It’s not what he wants but it’s what she wants and that in itself is closure.
Often the broken hearted just want to know why. I’ve been there. I just want the answer to how and why did you do this to me? You might have even gotten the opportunity to ask that person that has caused you so much pain those two questions. Most times you get the answer, “I don’t know.” Of course that doesn’t ease the pain. But what if they don’t know enough to give you the answer that would be true, “I did it because I could.” Would that answer satisfy your need for closure? Probably not.
What we have to realize as individuals is that closure is just like forgiveness in that it starts from within our hearts. Once we decide that we’ve had enough whatever it is that makes us feel less that we should about ourselves then at that moment we achieve closure. It’s closure that is on our terms and truly answers the questions we ask and the answer is, “…because I’ve had enough of not having enough of you and you not giving me what I need from you.” That’s closure. ![]()
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