When we’re feeling devastated after a break up, it’s important to take a hard look at what might be creating this feeling. Is it the loss of the relationship or the fantasy? Were we really treating each other in a loving way? Were we really there for each other? Were we both showing care, honesty and respect for each other? Am I upset by the loss of actual relating or the fantasy that we substituted for real relating long ago? Am I indulging in self-critical thoughts that tell me that I’ll never find love or that there is something wrong with me?